Since having my daughter in May, I've noticed something. My friends without children treat me much differently. Some don't, but some tip-toe around me like I am to be avoided.
I just want to say that I am the same person I was before. I just have more responsibilities now. It's like some of them think that I can't be bothered, can't be invited, that I'm strapped to my apartment with a baby on my hip 24/7. I mean, sometimes those things are true, but only sometimes. It would actually be nice to be contacted sometimes; to be invited places and to get out of the apartment.
Honestly, I couldn't tell you if they just forgot about me, think I can't go anywhere or do anything, or if they think I'm boring now that I don't go out every night like I used to. I tend to assume all three depending on which person is avoiding me at that particular time. I feel sometimes like I'm missing something. No, not just the fun nights out that I see them all having on Snapchat, but something obvious. Do I have massive bags under my eyes that my friends see at church on Sundays which make them think all I want to do is go home and nap? Because really, rarely am I so tired. I think I've taken a total of four or five naps since Charlotte was born; four or five are all I've needed to take. Is my resting face one of, "Don't talk to me. I haven't had my coffee yet today" all the time? Because if it is, I don't intend for it to be. In my mind, my resting face is smiling, but usually, the emotion we think we are portraying on our face is not the one people see. Sorry if I don't naturally look amused or if I look tired all the time. I'm actually a very happy person; especially in the last five months! Are rumors spread about me that I can't handle motherhood? That people should leave me alone to rest when I can? I've never meant to give that impression because motherhood is amazing! I'm absolutely in love with it and actually, I probably get more than enough rest compared to other moms.
Really, this all started at the end of my pregnancy with Charlotte. People stopped inviting me places; even just out to dinner. Albums upon albums would pop up on Facebook of a large group of my friends out on a Saturday night, not necessarily drinking, (which I obviously couldn't take part in) but just...out. Having fun. I never got a text, a Facebook invite, an email, a Snapchat, nothing.
I'm not throwing myself a pity party here. I just want non-parents to see the perspective of parents. We still like going out on Saturday nights! We still like turning Taylor Swift all the way up and singing it in the car with our friends (some of us anyway...) We still like late night gas station coffee runs and talking about relationships and "did she really wearthat to the Oscars??". (This is from a girl's perspective. Guys tend not to like those things throughout life, kids or not. Remember that, girls.) The only difference between me now, and me pre-pregnancy is time. I can't go out on the town at a moment's notice like I used to, but I can on like...a week's notice! Yes, I've matured a lot too, besides the time issue, but I still carry that love for nights out with my friends around with me. Am I too "planned out" for my spontaneous friends? Maybe. But I thought maybe our friendship meant more than that.
Obviously I don't expect to have the exact same social life that I had before having Charlotte. That is completely and totally unrealistic. I also don't expect to be invited to every single event that's planned. What I do expect, however, is to at least get a text, or a call every now and then, instead of me sending out a group message to the people I used to see. The conversations usually go like this:
ME: "Hey! I haven't seen you in forever! We should get together soon."
THEM: "Ohmgosh hey! How's Charlotte?? I miss seeing you! When are you free?!"
ME: "I'm mostly free every weekend so we should plan a girls' night. What's your schedule look like?"
THEM: "Hmm idk. Let me check my work schedule and I'll let you know!"
Then I don't hear from them again for a few more weeks until I send the next text.
ME: "Hey, how's it going?" Blah blah blah...
It seems to be an endless "Let me see what's going on and I'll get back to you" these days. I know people are busy with school, work, and everything, but on Instagram it sure looks like you made time for a few friends at the bar.
Guys, I had a baby. I didn't hand in my "fun card" the day I gave birth. I simply put a time limit on it. Yes, sometimes if you were to invite me to a party I'd have to say no. A lot of times I would actually. But that doesn't mean that I don't want to go. It means that my daughter and husband come first now in my life. But it also means I'm more excited for the next invite because maybe I can go then instead!
Like I said, I'm not trying to throw myself a pit party. Maybe I am a little, subconsciously, but sometimes it gets old seeing every single one of your friends having a fun dinner out in a Facebook album and you never even heard about it. Or there's the ever-awkward, "So did you get an invite to (insert event here)?" Nope.
I think there is some sort of "parent stereotype" where people assume we moms are up to our neck in spit up, diapers, bibs, that our hair is unkempt, we never get the chance to even think about mascara, we can't go 30 minutes without coffee, we sleep 1 hour per night, our kids scream everywhere we go, and a night out is UNTHINKABLE. Where on earth would we ever find time for that??? We are slaves to the household! No.Commercials on TV might depict us as such, but really, I've only had a handful of days like this. I only ever saw my mom face that aforementioned scenario a handful of times too. (Sorry, Mom.) Am I crazy? Am I the exception? I don't think so. I mean, I only have one baby. I know moms who have ten. No, really. Ten. Or twelve. (Catholics loooove babies :)) They make time every once in a while to go out. Heck, my mother-in-law still has seven little ones at home, not counting the four who are grown and gone, and she finds time to go out for date nights with my father-in-law. So what does that tell you? We moms like going out! Why wouldn't we?
Anyway, this is getting lengthy and I probably sound desperate. Really, I just want non-parents to see that we parents aren't to be avoided just because we produced a tiny human. Of course, we love our kids, but sometimes we need a night out...with our spouse, with friends, with family, anyone.
So, I guess I just wanted to say that I'm not boring because I had a baby. I'm just more about "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and "Baby Einstein" these days, rather than "We Are Never Getting Back Together" and "CSI". I love my friends and I know they're busy. I just miss them is all.
Love you all!
My name is Hannah and I'm a lucky wife to Tom, and mama bear to two sweet girls - Charlotte & Rosalie. Coffee, lipstick, sunshine, and dresses are some of my favorite things! I love to blog about God, motherhood, "wifeyhood", food, health and much more.
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